Single Parent Tips: What I Learned as a Single Parent

By:  Tammy Smith-Chen

I was the single parent of my son several years ago. He is now a grown man and I can feel some relief that this job is over and I apparently didn’t completely screw it up.  Parenting is terrifying even when both the mother and father are actively involved in raising and caring for a child. When you cut that number in half, suddenly all the burden is on your shoulders.

The most important thing you can do for both you and your child is to remember your blessings each day and don’t just dwell on the negative.

Single Parent Advice

Resist the temptation to speak badly of your ex.  I never talked bad about my son’s father and, in fact, pointed out positive similarities between the two of them. That didn’t stop everyone else, including those people who didn’t even know him, from tearing down his dad. This is one of the worst things that anyone can do to a child and you should never, ever call the other parent names, criticize them, or tell your child that the other parent doesn’t love them or want them.

You never know how things are going to turn out later and more than one child has left one parent to stay with the other once they got older. The only thing you will do by talking this way in front of your child is to hurt him and you should address this with anyone else who is doing it, as well.

Enjoy your child. Although you must be extremely careful when traveling alone with a child these days, especially if you are a female, taking a vacation with your child can be one of the best opportunities you will have to bond.

Make sure you consider what your child will enjoy before planning a trip so that you don’t end up with “bored” time. This should be a time when you can both enjoy new activities together without the stress of having to worry about taking care of other responsibilities.

Have conversations with your child.  Start early and ask your child questions every day about his day. I believe that old habits die hard and those that are instilled in a child will make it much easier for you to converse with your teenager down the road.

Pay attention to what your child is telling you. It is up to you to know if there are problems at daycare or with the babysitter and your child will have to be comfortable talking to you before he will confide in you.

Don’t try to be buddies with your child. That always used to sound so wonderful to me that people were “best friends” with their child. I didn’t realize that being a buddy could take away your child’s respect for you as a parent. Your child looks up to you and takes your word for everything that matters. They want someone they can confide in, get help from, and depend on when things are tough.

Believe it or not, they want someone who is strong enough to discipline them when they need it. Let them be friends with their classmates and maintain your role as their parent.

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